Trudy Croxton

Adult children and their​ spouses are a co​mmon sight​ in the halls of healthcare and residential facilities across the nation. The initial greeting between a family member and staff ​members, however, sometimes is filled with apprehension.

For senior housing and care providers, it is important to remember that family members​ can be their biggest ​advocates​ but also their biggest ​critics. At times, ​staff members’ first thought upon seeing an adult child is something like, “I sure hope ​we didn’t ruin another pair of her mother’s pants,” ​or ​“Did her Mom get to the​​ painting class that her daughter wanted her to go to?” Would these​ anxiety-ridden conversations ​be phrased​ differently if we, as senior care providers, viewed family members differently?

Viewing family members differently

Family members should be considered care partners. A​s a care partner​, ​a ​family member​’s​ relationship with staff would be considered and viewed as​ mutually supportive and enriching.

Surprisingly, many people do not self-identify as caregivers. Instead, they see themselves as ​simply ​​adhering to​ family norms and “doing their​ duty,​” leaving little room for self-reflection. ​According to the AARP, more than 44 million Americans provide more than 37 billion hours of unpaid, “informal” care each year to family members and loved ones. Of ​these ​family caregivers, 66% are women, whose average​ age is 49 years. As a result of their caregiver role​, family caregivers ​become “secondary patients,” themselves​ in need of support.

Family members can best be supported by the creation of a clear-cut policy that reduce​s​ ambiguity and increase​s​ their feeling of empowerment. This gives family caregivers an avenue to express concerns.

Helping family caregivers ​feel ​that they are ​a valuable part of the daily functioning at ​your​ community also may help minimize ​any ​staff sentiment that family members are getting ​”​too involved​”​ ​or​ have unreasonable care expectations. In most cases, family caregivers simply may be​ trying to advocate for the well-being of their loved ones​, yet they may ​not​ know how best to communicate their concerns. Educating care partners on​ how ​your​ community operates and how best to communicate ​with your staff ​members will help ​resolve ​future ​issues and promote​ a healthy relationship ​with ​your staff.​

Providing support for family members

On move-in of a loved one, give family members a guide outlining​ what to expect. Items to include:

  • A key staff roster, including photographs, contact information, primary work hours and responsibilities.
  • Policies and procedures.
  • Answers to the most commonly asked questions, such as, “How can I help Mom settle into her new home,” or “what do I say to my Dad who thinks I have abandoned him?” Arming family members with potential answers to these types of questions ​also may ​help them better manage ​any​ feelings of guilt and frustration.
  • You also should ​include information about the local Area on Aging, support groups, local dementia chapter and details about the facility’s family council meetings.
  • Additionally, family members may need support in the form of activity education, centered ​around visits with their loved ones. For example, staff could suggest a​ quality 30-minute visit working on a puzzle together or creating an art project. Other ​staff suggestions​, ​such as enjoying a meal or activity with their loved one​, ​may lead to more meaningful family interactions.

Support family members by offering them opportunities to become​ a part of the community through volunteering​. Some volunteer examples​ include assisting in the dining room, pushing residents in wheelchairs to meals and activities, helping with crafts or calling Bingo.

Pair up a family member with a resident who needs a bit of extra help during meal time or during ​other ​activities. Family members ​often can ​serve as “extra pairs of hands​”​ during group outings to restaurants, museums and park​s​. Perhaps a family member is a talented musician who can facilitate a music program or lead a sing along. ​You also may want to s​end out a survey periodically​​, ​gauging how family members may ​desire​ to help out at the community.

Always show support ​for ​families ​by ​educating​ them​ on how to care for themselves. Statistics show that family caregivers have ​a ​higher level of depression and stress​, ​which may lead to increased alcohol or other substance ab​use. In addition, ​family ​caregivers may ​have an increased risk of heart disease and mortality ​rate​​ ​as a result of​ not ​effectively ​taking care of themselves. Also, schedule ​”​health talks​”​ for family caregivers​ by using​ the resources of​ local home health and ​hospice partners.

The foundation of a care partner relationship

It is important to effectively manage family members’ expectations beginning ​with​ the sales process. Be transparent in ​advising ​that​, although​ their loved one may experience fewer falls due to more supervision, better nutrition and a more appropriate environment​, his or her ​falls may not entirely be eliminated.

Be forthright about other potential problem areas, such as call bell response times, housekeeping and laundry issues. If ​you believe ​these areas are not strong points of your community​, then be sure to ​let family members know that you are working to improve ​them ​and ​that​ their feedback is important to that improvement.

Another way to support family caregivers is by providing tools to ​your ​staff that will instruct them on how to successfully handle concerns. Create a complaint process that your​ staff ​will be​ comfortable using and that includes effective listening skills and conflict resolution techniques​. A complaint process will further solidify the care partner relationship​, which​ will culminate in a win-win situation.

Allowing family members to be thought of as care partners ultimately ​will give them a positive path to advocate for their loved ones and ​to ​become an important part of your senior living community while ​promoting​ a​ healthy relationship for all​.

Trudy Croxton is a licensed assisted living administrator and certified dementia practitioner and manager of client success at Relias in Cary, NC. She facilitates a monthly support group for family members who have loved ones with dementia. Her passion is helping family members with their caregiver journeys.

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